What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Somewhere between Heaven and Hell ... there are nightmares.

The door beckoned. It was another one of those moments when Elaina Richmond struggled with the inner voice in her head that warned her to run. It would have taken only seconds to escape with the door just inches away, but there was also the heat boiling in her blood to contend with. The way it flowed seductively through her veins and made her heart thump erratically in anticipation enticed her to stay. It was a losing battle and one she knew well.

The dark room was illuminated only by the bright moonlight streaming through the window. There were no pictures on the wall and no furnishings except for a large leather sofa in the middle of the room. A fire hissed and crackled in the marble fireplace in the corner, and soft music flowed from somewhere she couldn’t see. Still, for it to be someone’s home, it felt strangely empty ... and eerie.

It was storming outside. Glancing toward the window, she was surprised to see it open. There was a chill in the air, but the flames that continued to radiate through her body kept her warm despite being completely naked. As the curtains billowed in the wind, she couldn’t help but wonder why the window would be left open with it pouring rain outside. The drops of water that gathered on the hardwood floor beneath it melded together into one enormous pool, which seemed to grow larger with each passing second.

Her ex-boyfriend, Jeff Brooks, was there. He waited for her on the sofa with his arms opened to welcome her. The way the moonlight glimmered across his naked body made her shiver. His blond hair was windblown, and his blue eyes had taken on that familiar glow she recognized every time she came near him. His cock was hard, ready, and made her mouth water at the sight of it. Excitedly, she licked her lips as she walked over to join him.

However, before she could reach him, he slid off the sofa and sat down on the floor in front of it. Turning his body slightly, he patted the sofa seat behind him and motioned for her to join him.

“On your knees,” he demanded.

Eager to comply, she knelt on the edge of the sofa, and leaned over to brace her hands on the back of it. She felt Jeff spread her knees open, and then he turned with his back against the sofa and rested his head on it between her legs. He reached up and dug his fingers into the cheeks of her ass and pulled her down on top of his face.

The moment his tongue drove deep into her pussy, she gripped the back of the sofa and gasped. He wasn’t gentle, but then again he never was. Holding her tight, he steadily thrust his tongue in and out while she swayed against the sofa back. Every so often he would bite down on her clit and suck hard, make her cry out. It wasn’t an intense pain, but enough that she would move against him faster to try to bring the torment to an end.

Reaching between her legs, she raised her body slightly and intertwined her fingers in his hair, pulling his head back. Once he let go, he extended his tongue and began sliding it over her clit while she held on to his hair, making sure he didn’t try to lunge upward and bite again. Moving faster, she rocked and rocked until her stomach muscles tightened, and her breathing became labored.

“Oh ... yes!” she screamed.

Once the release began to take over, she trembled while Jeff continued the endless assault with his tongue. Only when the last jolt coursed through her body could she finally let him go. Weakened, she crumbled onto the sofa while he got up off the floor. Sitting down beside her, he placed a hand beneath her chin and tilted her head so he could look at her.

“You’re mine, Elaina,” he whispered. “Always.”

Leaning forward, he kissed her roughly on the lips. Coaxing them apart with his tongue, he thrust into her mouth. Circling her waist with his arms, he pulled her on top of him in one quick movement that left her head spinning. When she straddled his hips, the cold wind rushed through the room, sending a shiver racing down her spine. Jeff pulled her closer.

Damn. His skin was so hot. Unable to contain herself any longer, she placed a hand between them, grasped his cock, and slid down on top of it. Once he freed her mouth, she tried to breathe normally, which was next to impossible. Everything was happening so fast.

“Tell me you’re mine, Elaina.”

His fingers digging into her hips, he pushed her down until she was fully impaled on him, causing her breath to catch for just an instant before she started riding him. As always, he was in control to the point of it being maddening. While she ground her body against his and moaned like a woman possessed, he never lost his composure. Not once.

“Oh ... yes...” she groaned. “I’m yours!”

Leaning back and placing her hands on his knees, she moved faster. Her eyes closed, she moaned and bit down on her bottom lip when he rested his hands on her breasts, expertly kneading the taut nipples between his fingers.

He said something. Yet, over her moans and the storm raging outside, she couldn’t make out the words. Caught up in the moment, she let them slide off her like the icy breeze that glided across her skin.

Removing his hands from her breasts, he placed his palms flat on the sofa, planted his feet firmly on the floor, and began thrusting upward so aggressively she thought he might actually rip her apart. It was exhilarating.

“Yes! Yes!” she screamed. “Fuck me!”

This was what she craved. No gentle caresses or flowery words. Just this. Her growls echoed off the walls as she urged him onward and made him thrust even faster. After several minutes, he rested on the sofa again while she continued the frantic pace. When the warmth of his capable hands slid over her breasts and upward to enclose around her throat, she groaned excitedly.

There was always something masterful about the way his hands felt there. The way he would hold her in place and guide her movements while she fucked him was mind-bending. She never understood what made it so appealing. Maybe it was because the need to be held that way ought to feel taboo, but it didn’t. Or maybe it was just that fine line between danger and trust that had her wanting it so much.

Her breathing growing shallower, she felt her body begin to tighten and release. She was so close she could almost taste it, and she wanted it as badly as she needed the air to breathe. Her crimson fingernails digging into his skin, she moaned deeply.

But then, his hands gripped her tighter, causing her to stop and reach for her throat. This wasn’t the usual way he held her there. Normally he would squeeze just enough to make her feel light-headed, but this time there was only pain. She tried not to panic, but something felt wrong ... very wrong.

Suddenly, before she had time to react, she was hurled from his lap and onto the floor. He was above her now and there was no passion in his eyes. They were no longer blue either, but black as night, and in the very depths of them there was nothing of the man she had fallen in love with.

Grabbing his wrists, she fought to free herself, but the more she struggled, the harder he squeezed. She clawed at his face, drawing blood, just as something cold touched her head and shoulders.

Water. The freezing rain that blew in torrents through the open window was fast becoming a river threatening to swallow her whole. Her throat burned with the need to scream. She was losing consciousness. As the fire in the fireplace began to sputter and die, she wondered what would take her first ... the death grip around her throat or the water that continued to rise around her.

Through it all, he remained eerily calm. As the blood trickled from the deep gashes in his face, he barely flinched. Instead, he continued to watch her closely with those sinister eyes as if drawing even more strength from every last breath she fought for. The water had almost completely enveloped her by this time. Only a few more seconds and she would be gone. No more fighting. No more worries.

One ... two ... three ...

Gasping for air, Elaina fought to wake up. She couldn’t breathe. He wouldn’t let go. God, please ... just make him stop. Willing her eyes to open, she expected to see Jeff hovering over her, but there was nothing but darkness. Frantically, she reached for the lamp beside her bed, knocking several items off the nightstand in the process. After flipping on the switch, she sat up straight and braced herself for another attack.

But everything was gone. The hands. Jeff. The water.

Disoriented, she scanned the room quickly and tried to focus on her surroundings. It was over. He wasn’t there. It was just another nightmare. Grasping the bed sheets tightly in her hands, she counted backward slowly from one hundred to zero until her heart beat at a calmer pace. It was the same routine every night. Deep breath and count ... deep breath and count. She knew she should have been used to it by now. For the past two months the nightmares had been coming every night, and they always ended the same way.

“Damn it!” she screamed into her pillow. When was it going to end?

Gripping her wet t-shirt in her hands, she yanked it off and threw it across the room. Tendrils of her long raven hair stuck to her face and neck, and she realized regretfully that she would have to change the sweat-soaked bed sheets and take another shower before she headed to court later that morning.

The cool night air felt good against her bare skin as she kicked off the sheets. Leaning over the side of the bed, she picked her cell phone up off the floor. Surprisingly, she hadn’t hurled it across the room in her desperate attempt to turn the lamp on. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

She dialed absentmindedly, not even bothering to check the time. After several rings, she finally answered.

“I’m guessing the counting didn’t help?” Madelyn Conner asked sleepily.

It was a shame her best friend knew her so well and worse still that she was used to these late night phone calls.

“No.”

She could hear Madelyn yawning on the other end of the line, and the fatigue in her voice made Elaina feel guilty, again, for bothering her. Glancing at her alarm clock, she winced when she noticed it was almost two o’clock in the morning.

“Once the trial is over, you’ll stop having these bad dreams. Your brain is just working overtime right now. Everything will be fine, Lainey. I promise.”

She sounded so convincing, Elaina almost believed her.

“I hope you’re right.”

She couldn’t explain to her friend how these weren’t just bad dreams like the ones that startle you during the night every once in a blue moon. These were truly nightmares. The kind where the Devil walks with you and remains with you long after you wake up.

Compared to them ... even Hell seemed less daunting.

* * * *

Someone was weeping.

Looking around the courtroom, Elaina tried to distinguish where the sound was coming from. It wasn’t a loud sobbing, but enough to make it hard to concentrate on anything else. Momentarily distracted from the endless questioning, she searched until her gaze fell upon her mother sitting on the back row.

Leaning against Elaina’s father, she had her face buried in his chest while her body shook with each sob. Her dad sat there motionless, his lips pressed so tightly together they were a ghastly shade of gray. For a second she wondered if he had stopped breathing.

She had begged them not to come with her. For two years she’d managed to keep the details of her relationship with Jeff a secret, but now there was nothing she could do. Now his abuse was laid out for everyone. Even the ones she loved who she had tried to protect from the truth.

“Miss Richmond, could you please explain to us the events of February twelfth, 2006?”

The attorney stood so close to her she could almost taste his cologne, and it was enough to make her stomach queasy. He wasn’t an attractive man. His tailored suit had seen better days, and the fluorescent lights overhead bounced off his balding head in a disconcerting way that, if nothing else, kept her attention off the fact that Jeff was sitting nearby.

His demonic glare had never wavered from her since the moment she walked into the courtroom, but she didn’t let that deter her resolve. Meeting his gaze every so often, she would glare back at him with the same determination he seemed to put forth at trying to rattle her nerves.

Shifting in her seat, Elaina began to wonder if the interrogation would ever end. It seemed like a cruel twist of fate that she should get caught in the middle of a custody battle between Jeff and his ex-wife. Subpoenaed as a character witness, she’d had no choice but to face him again and relive every sordid detail of their relationship. Becoming an unwilling participant in this fight was the ultimate slap in the face.

How did his ex-wife even know about the abuse? Surely it wasn’t something he’d talked about over the family dinner table. Averting her gaze to the pale redheaded woman, she couldn’t help but wonder if Jeff had hurt her too. She looked absolutely terrified. How she could have a child with such a monster was hard to fathom.

She had stayed away from the courthouse until it was her time to come forth. The less she knew about the situation, the better off she would be. She didn’t want to know about their lives. She didn’t want to know about their brief marriage or their baby daughter. All she wanted to do was give her testimony and leave.

The weeping continued, so she focused intently on the balding attorney to keep from looking toward her parents again. Taking a deep breath, she told in excruciating detail how Jeff had drugged her, tied her to his bed, and snuffed out cigarettes on her skin while she screamed in agony on the night of February twelfth.

Squaring her shoulders, she rubbed one of the scars on the inside of her left wrist to keep from drifting back to the terror. She couldn’t go there again. She would not go there. He had tried to steal her life once before, but he damn sure wasn’t going to do it again.

After describing the many ways he threatened her life when she attempted to leave him, she explained how he had nearly choked her into unconsciousness that last day. Swallowing hard, she pressed on the scar repeatedly until it became as red as her fingernails. Only when she finished could she stop and focus on something else.

Turning her attention to the people sitting in the audience, she was surprised to see most of them staring back at her with their mouths open as if in shock. A woman in the second row wiped a tear from her cheek.

The attorney said a few more words. A copy of the restraining order she’d placed against Jeff was shown to the judge. Everything seemed so surreal, as if she were high above the courtroom, watching it all from a distance and not actively involved in any of it.

The balding attorney took his place beside Jeff’s wife, and then Jeff’s attorney started speaking. Between the people in the courtroom gawking at her and the weeping from the back row, it was impossible to concentrate on what was being said. The judge coughed and fidgeted in his seat.

But then the room seemed to grow eerily quiet, or maybe it was because her heart was beating so loudly it drowned out everything else.

“Miss Richmond?”

Startled, Elaina jerked around in her seat to face the judge.

“You’re excused, Miss Richmond. Thank you.”

Elaina rose to her feet, stepped down from the witness stand, and proceeded to the exit. She never looked toward Jeff or anyone else, not even her parents or Madelyn, who stood as soon as she walked past them. Just a few more feet and it would be over.

Throwing open the double doors, Elaina walked away, ready to leave the past behind her ... again.

* * * *

Squinting her eyes against the glare, Elaina stirred and looked toward the window. Disoriented, she sat up and tried to assess where she was and how she had gotten there. It was definitely her bedroom, but was the sun shining through the curtains rising or setting?

Still dressed in the same beige pantsuit she had worn to court, she crawled out of bed and headed for the den where she was certain she’d heard her mom’s voice, or maybe that had been just a dream.

“Well, look who finally decided to wake up,” Madelyn said, smiling, as Elaina entered the room.

Her mom rose from her seat to greet her with open arms. It was obvious the crying had continued long after they’d left the trial. Her eyes were bloodshot and she still gripped the pale yellow handkerchief she’d used in the courtroom to wipe her tears away.

“Elaina ... Elaina,” she murmured softly, holding her close for several long minutes. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell us what was going on? We could have helped you.”

There was no way to explain what her motive had been at the time. Mom didn’t need to know about the times Jeff had threatened to hurt her family should she ever confess the truth to them. Some things were just better left unsaid, and the only thing she wanted to focus on now was moving forward.

“Where’s Dad?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

Dropping her arms to her side, Mom shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

“He had some things to do in his shop. Madelyn is going to drive me home.”

She understood the unspoken sentiment behind her words. Dad needed to be alone to deal with his anger. It had always been that way. Fiercely protective of his only daughter, she hated to imagine what must have been going through his mind.

“After we brought you home from the courthouse, you crashed on your bed as soon as you walked in the door,” Madelyn explained. “We didn’t want to leave until we knew you were all right.”

Nodding slowly, Elaina sat down on the sofa next to her friend and stifled a yawn.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Close to six hours. It’s almost nighttime,” Mom answered, glancing at her wristwatch. “I doubt you’ll sleep a wink tonight.”

She hated to tell her that would be no different than any other night she’d spent in the past two months since receiving the court summons. It was hard to believe she could even sleep six hours straight without a single nightmare. They had been her constant companions for so long now it was hard to imagine a day going by without them. Perhaps Madelyn had been right when she said they would go away once the trial was behind her.

“Elaina, honey...”

Wary, Elaina sat up rigid in her seat. She recognized that tone in Mom’s voice and she braced herself. It meant either a not-so-gentle reprimanding or a not-so-gentle nudge to do something she didn’t want to do.

“I want you to go to Sonoma and stay with your Aunt Vivien for awhile. You need some time away, and it will do you good.”

She said the words hurriedly, as if she had only seconds before Elaina would intervene.

“I’ve already talked to her, and one of the guesthouses is empty. I know you must have some vacation time saved up because you never take a day off work.”

Looking beside her at Madelyn, Elaina grimaced when she saw her nodding in agreement. There went her only savior.

“I do, but...”

“No. No excuses,” Mom replied, shaking her head vehemently. “I’m worried about you, Elaina. You look horrible. You have black shadows under your eyes like you haven’t slept in months, and you’ve lost weight. When was the last time you had a decent meal?”

Before she had the chance to reply, Mom continued her ranting. Distracted, Elaina tried to remember the last time she’d eaten. Wasn’t it yesterday ... or the day before that perhaps?

“You need sunlight and fresh air, and I won’t take no for an answer. Your Aunt Vivien hasn’t seen you in years and she would enjoy your company.”

Elaina knew that arguing with her would be pointless. Mom had already made up her mind. Even though the thought of spending a few days away from the hell that had become her life sounded wonderful, she wasn’t comfortable with dropping in on her aunt and uncle during their busiest time at the vineyard. Shamefully, she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d visited them.

“But it’s June. Isn’t it the middle of harvesting season? I’d just be in the way, Mom.”

“No, you wouldn’t. Harvesting won’t begin for a couple more months. Oh, and Cade will be there too. I think I forgot to mention that,” her mother said, a little too happily.

With a groan, Elaina dropped her head back on the sofa and closed her eyes. There was a name she hadn’t heard in a while. She should have known her mom had some other motive in mind.

“And who would Cade be?” Madelyn asked, grinning widely.

There was no way to distract them from this conversation. Even the atmosphere in the room had changed at just the mention of his name. Shooting her mom an irritated glare, she turned in her seat to face her best friend.

“Caden Russell used to work for my aunt and uncle during the summer months. That’s where we met. We were very close and we were together a long time, but he lived in Santa Cruz so it turned into a long-distance relationship that was too hard on both of us. I can’t believe I’ve never told you about him.” She sighed. “I guess you could say he was my first real love.”

“He was her first in many ways,” Mom replied, with all the subtlety of a train wreck.

“Mom!” Elaina gasped. In an instant she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

“Honey, I may be your mother, but I’m not stupid. Or blind. I could tell there was something going on.”

Groaning again, Elaina rolled her eyes and continued.

“We were both eighteen at the time. We ended the relationship as friends, but we never kept in touch like we promised each other we would. Anyway, right now a relationship is the furthest thing from my mind, and that was a very long time ago. He’s probably married by now.”

Looking down at her lap, Mom fidgeted with the rings on her fingers and smiled again. While Elaina was happy to see her mood had lifted, this was a topic she didn’t feel like discussing.

The last thing she wanted to think about was another man in her life, especially since the last one had caused her enough grief and pain for a lifetime. Certainly they, of all people, could understand that.

“No. He’s single. Or so your Aunt Vivien says.” Mom cleared her throat and smiled innocently. “She also said he’s been asking about you.”

Okay, maybe they couldn’t.