M/M Workshop-Self Pleasure and Safe Sex

[TA Chase]

I wish I could give you a good reason why there's not more masturbation in m/m stories. I guess I've just never thought about it...lol.

It's too bad, huh? I think self-pleasure can be very hot and a good way to introduce attraction, especially for a 'straight' guy who never thought he'd get hot over another guy. Or for a character who might think he hates the other character, but the next thing he knows, he's coming because of an image or fantasy involving the other one.


As for safe sex....how do you feel about using condoms in m/m stories?

For me, if the story is contemporary, the characters need to be smart about things like that. There are dangerous diseases out there that can be caught if people don't practice safe sex. Now I understand that stories are fantasies, but I'd rather read about a pair using a condom, then to read it and think gah, how stupid.

I have had characters not use a condom while giving blow-jobs and that might not be smart either, but, imo, the risk is less then going bareback.

Of course, paranormals, fantasies/sci-fi, and historicals, the use of condoms is different. If you've established your characters are paranormal and can not contract human diseases, then they don't need to use protection. Or if diseases have been eradicated, then it doesn't matter. In historicals, it was never thought of since men can't get pregnant.

To me, using condoms while having sex is extremely important, but I understand that it's my own opinion and others might think differently.

[Ydavis]

I think I've heard they are pretty much required in contemp's these days. But my angel doesn't use one! I assume vampires wouldn't either, etc.

On the same note, what ever happened to frottage? Now there's something that can be fun, but few ever write it.

I think of sex as a menu....if couldn't tell already!

[ldmadison]

Since I write romance - and can't always justify the guys having sex right away (slow build up), I use self-help all of the time. It's ups the heat and buys you time to get them together.

Regarding condoms, I've only ever not used it once, but they discussed it and neither guy'd had sex in years (and they'd tested clean). It was a risk - but it 'fit' the story at the time.

[TA Chase]

I think it's kind of accepted that in paranormals, with vampires, weres, and other supernatural creatures, condoms don't have to be used. Because human diseases wouldn't affect them. Just make sure you establish that he doesn't have to worry about those things and you'll be fine.

I've read several stories where frottage happens. And you're right, it can be fun and hot.

lol...a sex menu can be fun to have.

[TA Chase]

See....you can have them not use a condom, if they discuss it and you've established that they are negative.

Oh, I'm not saying they should use a condom every time they have sex. After establishing them as a couple and making sure they're tested , you can forego the condom. It helps show their commitment to each other. Helps with the love aspect of the story.

[jjwolfe]

Originally Posted by TA Chase

I think it's kind of accepted that in paranormals, with vampires, weres, and other supernatural creatures, condoms don't have to be used. Because human diseases wouldn't affect them. Just make sure you establish that he doesn't have to worry about those things and you'll be fine.

Yep . But I wonder how it would be between human and supernatural creatures. I guess the creature hasn't any desease either, so the human doesn't have to be worried about that.

[ldmadison]

RE: sex menu... There's a list online with every imaginable sex/kink. Early on, I went through the list and came up with about 20 that turned me on and I could write believably (the two go hand in hand)... The good thing about my list is that I can have multiple sex scenes and I don't repeat position, setting, etc. throughout the story.

*shrugs* Kind of weird - but it works.

[Jambrea Jo Jones]

'frottage'

This is a term I am not familiar with. What is it?

[ldmadison]

frottage - masturbation/orgasm by rubbing against another person

[TA Chase]

JJ,

Yep...as long as the paranormal creature is disease free, the human wouldn't have to worry about it. Of course, unless in your story, those type of creatures are acknowledged, the human would probably question not using them.

[jjwolfe]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

RE: sex menu... There's a list online with every imaginable sex/kink. Early on, I went through the list and came up with about 20 that turned me on and I could write believably (the two go hand in hand)... The good thing about my list is that I can have multiple sex scenes and I don't repeat position, setting, etc. throughout the story.

*shrugs* Kind of weird - but it works.

which list, where?

[TA Chase]

LD,

having a list like that would be great.

Writing believably about the sex does make for a better scene and story.

[Jambrea Jo Jones]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

frottage - masturbation/orgasm by rubbing against another person

thanks! That makes sense. lol

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

RE: sex menu... There's a list online with every imaginable sex/kink. Early on, I went through the list and came up with about 20 that turned me on and I could write believably (the two go hand in hand)... The good thing about my list is that I can have multiple sex scenes and I don't repeat position, setting, etc. throughout the story.

*shrugs* Kind of weird - but it works.

Do you have a link?

Can I haz?

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by TA Chase

JJ,

the human would probably question not using them.

I never thought of that.....

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by Jambrea Jo Jones

thanks! That makes sense. lol

And it's fun too. Whee!

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

The good thing about my list is that I can have multiple sex scenes and I don't repeat position, setting, etc. throughout the story.

I tend to agree. the more diversity the better. There's only so much one finger, two finger, three finger that I can take! Seriously!

[ldmadison]

I got my list from two places - http://eliade.livejournal.com/472331.html is the most comprehensive and from Kink Bingo, which if you haven't played it - you're missing out.

[jjwolfe]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

I got my list from two places - http://eliade.livejournal.com/472331.html is the most comprehensive and from Kink Bingo, which if you haven't played it - you're missing out.

Ooh, Kink Bingo I know.

[TA Chase]

Thanks for the link, LD.

Should be enlightening...lol.

[ldmadison]

Originally Posted by TA Chase

Thanks for the link, LD.

Should be enlightening...lol.

The first time I read through the list - I spent half the time going "Really? People do that?"... Fast forward a few years later, and I'm explaining what the terms mean to others...

How time flies when you're writing kink..

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

I got my list from two places - http://eliade.livejournal.com/472331.html is the most comprehensive and from Kink Bingo, which if you haven't played it - you're missing out.

now that's a list!

[TA Chase]

lol..that's true.

There are things you never dreamt you'd write or think, then one day you read something you've written and chuckle at how far you've come.

[jjwolfe]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

The first time I read through the list - I spent half the time going "Really? People do that?"... Fast forward a few years later, and I'm explaining what the terms mean to others...

How time flies when you're writing kink..

*snickerfit* Oh yeah.

[Ydavis]

Oh, and for food kink don't forget the movie Tampopo!

[Jambrea Jo Jones]

Originally Posted by TA Chase

lol..that's true.

There are things you never dreamt you'd write or think, then one day you read something you've written and chuckle at how far you've come.

Or you send emails back and forth talking about how you handled a sexual issue in your story. I know I've emailed a friend and had to say 'I'm glad no one reads my emails but you' ROFL!

[ldmadison]

Originally Posted by Ydavis

Oh, and for food kink don't forget the movie Tampopo!

I haven't seen that one - but when I think food kink - it's all 9 1/2 weeks for me..

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

I haven't seen that one - but when I think food kink - it's all 9 1/2 weeks for me..

I used to have a unexplainable crush on Mickey Rourke.

[George Allwynn]

Originally Posted by ldmadison

RE: sex menu... There's a list online with every imaginable sex/kink. Early on, I went through the list and came up with about 20 that turned me on and I could write believably (the two go hand in hand)... The good thing about my list is that I can have multiple sex scenes and I don't repeat position, setting, etc. throughout the story.

*shrugs* Kind of weird - but it works.

Hmmm. How interesting. Gotta link so I can check this out? They might have come up with something my perverted mind hasn't tried yet...

EDIT - okay, never mind -- I got so excited about the prospect of a list, I prematurely posted this question b/4 reading the rest of the thread...

I really need to get a life. Seriously.

[George Allwynn]

Originally Posted by Ydavis

I tend to agree. the more diversity the better. There's only so much one finger, two finger, three finger that I can take! Seriously!

Amen! Preach it sister Y! If I have to read one more scissor action in an anus, I'm gonna bounce my e-reader off the bed! (in lieu of throwing a paper back against the wall...)

[George Allwynn]

Question:

Last month or so, I attended an interesting author chat in which the author INSISTED one could not write Romantic erotica if they were not currently experiancing lots of hot, steamy sex in their life.

She also stated it wasn't possible to be celibate and still be able to have an exciting sex scene.

I am curious what you all think about this?

[Peach]

I don't agree. that's basically reducing the writing down to reporting as opposed to using your imagination

[Ydavis]

Originally Posted by Peach

I don't agree. that's basically reducing the writing down to reporting as opposed to using your imagination

*drools on peach!*

you lucky girl!

[George Allwynn]

I felt the same way, Peach.

Yet, this author was sooooo over the top, she wouldn't accept any other answer..., to the point, where she actually ridiculed anyone who wasn't in a current sexual relationship (and professed to writing erotic romance.)

THAT cheesed me off big time, as I am a true believer in using one's imagination. (Though if I was in a torret love affair, I can admit my writing might sport a bit more 'umph' =Ec2...)

[Peach]

Maybe this was a case of, to paraphrase Shakespeare, 'methinks she doth protest too much'? *g*

[PG Forte]

Originally Posted by George Allwynn

Question:

Last month or so, I attended an interesting author chat in which the author INSISTED one could not write Romantic erotica if they were not currently experiancing lots of hot, steamy sex in their life.

Kinda makes me wonder what she thinks writers of sci-fi and fantasy do?